If You Love Me, Let Me Go
by Steel
Summary: Short, too the point and mooshy. What did you expect, it's me! *Complete*
1. A New Day

Looking for something substantial or intelligent? This isn't it! You've been warned.

The usual applies; I own no one or nothing pertaining to this story.

**If You Love Me, Let Me Go**

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Dr. Hannibal Lecter stood on his balcony, overlooking a beautiful sunset on Lake Tahoe. He never cared for the casinos or the tourists, but the view was breathtaking.

As he stood watching the sun drop from the sky, his mind drifted back to his decision. And a very painful decision it was.

A month had passed since he had spoken with her. She had appeared so adamant, that he felt there was no further course of action that could be taken.

He would let her go.

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After the incident with Krendler, the Bureau had dropped Special Agent Starling like a hot rock. Since they were unable to apprehend Dr. Lecter, they had to blame someone and she was it. At first she was devastated by their decision to dismiss her, but in time she grew to be grateful. For now her life had truly begun, or so she hoped.

Clarice had moved to Lake Tahoe, Nevada and taken a job as Head of Security

with Harrah's Casino. Not the most glamorous job, granted, but she was finally starting to get some fun out of life. The job consisted of babysitting a handful of supervisors, four dozen officers and keeping the department under budget. Nothing she couldn't handle with ease.

The perks were great. Free meals and shows and five weeks of vacation a year. The pay wasn't great, but the fact she had got to meet Bill Cosby her first week on the job almost made up for that.

Clarice had rented a modest two-bedroom home, with a huge rock fireplace. She turned the second bedroom into her office, filling it with budget charts, schedules and other work related nonsense. The only thing she had kept from her previous life, as she liked to refer to it, was a single photograph, a photograph of him. She had tried to throw it away several times, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

The picture hung on her wall, pinned, eye level, just over her desk. She talked to it frequently, giving her some kind of strange comfort.

Men no longer held her interest, knowing there would never be anyone who could compare, or even come close to him. No one could ever hope to know her, understand her, or trust her so completely as he did.

So she resigned herself to her work, as before, never realizing history was repeating itself, only in a nicer location.

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It hadn't taken long for Dr. Lecter to track down the object of his affection.

When he had discovered her new location, he felt it only proper to give her time to settle in before turning her world upside down.

Dr. Lecter had been watching Clarice for several weeks. He especially enjoyed it when she would go to the beach to read. Although she wore a one-piece bathing suit, she literally took his breath away. She was a diamond that only need be polished.

When he determined enough time had passed, he made plans to call on his little Starling.

He watched as she left for work, wondering what her reaction would be to seeing him again. He would know soon enough.

As her Jeep turned the corner, he exited his vehicle, making his way to her home.

The house wasn't totally secluded, but the trees made for very nice cover.

He picked the lock on the front door with ease. Upon entering, he stood still, eyes closed, breathing deeply, taking in the scent that was only Clarice.

After a few moments, he opened his eyes. Her home was pleasant, comfortable, very much her.

He walked throughout the house finding nothing out of the ordinary until reaching her office. As soon as he walked through the door, he was quite surprised to see a picture of himself, staring back at him.

A smile that reached all the way to his eyes covered his face. He knew she hadn't forgotten him, but he was quite pleased that she wasn't even trying to.

The picture was old and worn, one from his days down in the dungeon. It had been handled a great deal over the years. He unpinned it from the wall, bringing it closer, he could smell her scent all over it, her fingerprints covered the photo. He wondered how many times had she held it and thought of him.

He sat down at the desk, finding a pen, he turned the picture over and began to write.

When he had finished, he pinned the picture back to the wall and went into the living room, making himself comfortable on the sofa, he would rest awhile. He had several hours to kill before Clarice would return home. For now, he would rest and wait.

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Starling had been with Harrah's a couple of months. Everything was working smoothly.

No major problems had occurred since her arrival, and she was starting to become familiar with the in's and out's of casino life. She didn't gamble much, so she spent most of her free time on the beach reading a book or just relaxing at home. She was looking forward to winter, she thought she might try her hand at some snowboarding.

The day had gone by quickly. Clarice was looking forward to getting home and taking a nice long bath. She stopped on the way home and bought a bottle wine. She usually bought wine because she liked the way the bottle looked. That system didn't always work out so well. This time the clerk helped her pick out a nice vintage, not to expensive. She thanked him for his help as she paid, then continued home.

It was about 6:00p when she got home. It was late September and the nights were already starting to get pretty cold. She thought she might light a fire tonight. She loved sitting by the fireplace just watching the flames dance. It was very calming. She didn't know how much calming she was going to need until she opened the front door.


	2. Reunion

Last cliff was dedicated to luna! All up-hill from here. lol

The usual applies; I own no one or nothing pertaining to this story.

**Chapter 2 Reunion**

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As Clarice stepped through the door, she noticed a fire already burning in the fireplace. Almost dropping the wine, she gripped it tightly with both hands around the neck of the bottle. Whoever was here was going to get to read the label up close.

She turned the corner from the living room into the dining room, ready to introduce the intruder to her newly acquired beverage, when two strong arms came around her from behind, grasping her hands, holding them securely to the bottle.

"Good, you brought the wine."

Immediately upon recognizing his voice, her whole body tensed.

"Now is that any way to greet an old friend Clarice?" He said as he softly brushed his lips against her ear, which sent a shiver throughout her entire body. It never ceased to amuse him, the effect he had on her.

Loosening his grip, slightly he asked, "Is it safe to release you Clarice, or will you try and bash me over the head with your improvised weapon?"

When she finally found her voice she said, "I won't try anything, would you just let me go now?"

"Why of course my dear. Forgive me, but you do understand a man can't be to careful when dealing with a highly trained Ex Special Agent now, can he?"

"Not when he breaks into her house and sneaks up behind her, don't you ever knock?

And what are you doing here anyway?"

Slowly he released her hands, reluctantly taking a step backwards, instantly missing the warmth of her back on his chest. As she turned to face him he said, "I thought it was time to renew our acquaintance." She looked at him almost irritated and said, "I need a drink."

She retreated to the kitchen to find the corkscrew. Seeing no fear in her eyes, he did

not follow her, instead he took a seat on the sofa.

She returned with the wine and two glasses. Setting the glasses on the coffee table, she filled both, picking up one for herself then taking a seat in the chair across from him. She waited until he retrieved the other before asking, "So tell me Doctor, you hunted me down, came all the way to Nevada and broke into my house, just to say hi?"

"If you want to put it that way Clarice, then basically, yes that is why I'm here."

"So you don't think that I might try and turn you over to the authorities?"

"Clarice, I must admit I am never quite sure what you will do at any given time, however there was something in your eyes, last we met, that told me it was not your wish to see me incarcerated again and you have made no move to do so tonight. Have I been mistaken?"

"No Doctor, you're not. It's no longer my battle and I'm afraid it's a battle I never wanted to fight anyway."

"That's quite an admission, Clarice. I expected it to take quite a bit more prompting before such a realization could be made."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you Doctor, But I've come to more than just a few conclusions on my own since our last encounter. By the way, how's the hand?"

"My hand is fine, what conclusions have you reached Clarice?"

"I looks good, you can barely see the scare."

"You're avoiding the question Clarice, what conclusions?"

"You must have had a Doctor on stand-by, just in case…."

"CLARICE!"

"O.k. o.k. The conclusion that I'm better off without the Bureau, that they did not define who I am, that no matter what happens I will be just fine and the feelings that I have for you, no matter how strong, will never come to fruition."

As Dr. Lecter sat back listening to her confession, he wasn't sure how to react. He stared at her for sometime before speaking again. "So am I to understand Clarice, that you do, somewhere deep inside, have feelings for this monster?"

"You're not a monster. I have never seen you as such, and yes I do have feelings for you. You have seen me through much, Doctor. You helped me in ways no one else could.

My payment to you for that, was to try and stab you, hit you over the head with a candlestick and force you to cut off part of your own hand."

Arching one brow he said, "A simple thank you would have been sufficient."

She managed a small smile, trying to fight back the tears she knew would eventually escape. She would never understand what he saw in her that made him put up with all this crap. If I were him, I would've killed me along time ago, she thought.

Collecting herself she continued, "Because of our history this could never work. You know it and I know it. It was doomed from the beginning and there's no happy ending to this fairy tale. So instead of dragging this out any further, I think it's time for you to go."

She looked away from him, gazing into the fire. She didn't see him get up, the movement was so swift she may not have seen it even if she had been looking at him.

Suddenly he was in front of her, pulling her up out of the chair, his hands holding her tightly at the shoulders, she thought for a moment he would just shake her to death. His eyes burned into hers, she saw many things in those eyes, anger, passion, sadness.

"Go Clarice? Oh I'll go," he scowled. "But know this little Starling, once I've gone, there's no turning back, for either of us."

After speaking, he just stared into her for what seemed like an eternity. Then, without warning, he pulled her into him, kissing her so passionately she felt her legs almost give out. Just as quickly as it had started, it was over. He broke the kiss, but never took his eyes from hers.

The kiss had left her heart in shock. That's all it took for her brain to take over, trying to convince her this was a mistake, 'you can't do this if you ever want a normal life again. Tell him to go before it's too late.'

Finally she summoned the courage to speak saying, "We can't do this anymore, it's just to painful. Please go now, please. He paused a few more seconds, dropping his hands from her shoulders, he took her hand, kissing it gently and said, "As you wish."

He released her hand and slowly walked toward the front door. As he pulled it open, he looked to her one last time as if to ask are you sure this is what you really want? When she did not reply to his unvoiced question, he smiled sadly and said, "Good-bye Clarice," and closed the door behind him.

When Dr. Lecter closed the door, Clarice felt her heart stop beating in her chest. She believed in her mind that it was the best thing for both of them, but her heart wasn't letting her get off that easy. She ran to the door, placing her hand on the knob but couldn't force herself to turn it. She leaned her head against the door and started to cry.

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Thanks to all the reviewers. You people are as warped as I am!! Thank you..


	3. Feelings

And the moosh continues.

The usual applies; I own no one or nothing pertaining to this story.

**Chapter 3 Feelings**

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It had been a week since her encounter with Dr. Lecter. Clarice thought if she could just stay busy enough for awhile, the pain would start to ease. So far that didn't seem to be working.

What made her think this time would be any different from the past ten years, she didn't know, but she had to try. She had to find a way to let him go. It was safer for both of them this way, wasn't it? Or was it just safer for her? What was she afraid of? Clarice pushed all these thoughts to the corner of her mind. The corner that had been vacated by the screaming of the lambs once again filled with screaming, but now instead of lambs, it was her screams that echoed there.

Clarice went about her normal activities. Work was less than adequate at keeping her mind from wandering, so when a couple of the female pit-bosses asked her if she wanted to join them that evening for a drink, she accepted.

The three women sat at the entertainment bar, listening to the band and re-hashing the day's events. After a couple hours, Clarice was starting to get bored. She decided her time would be better spent doing laundry, so she thanked the women for inviting her, telling them she had a good time, but that she has some work to get done before tomorrow. She turned and headed for the exit, never seeing the well dressed gentleman in the black fedora that had been watching her.

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Dr. Lecter watched as Clarice left the bar, his ears were thankful for the reprieve. The band had played a set of big band tunes, which wasn't too bad, but when they started the Beatles greatest hits, that was almost more than he could endure.

He followed her to the parking garage and watched as she got into her Jeep. She sat there for awhile, resting her head on the steering wheel before starting the vehicle and driving away.

Dr. Lecter made his way to his own vehicle, believing that she was still wrestling with her decision, but she appeared to be handling it with more conviction than he had seen before. Perhaps she was right. Maybe they were better off apart. He knew their feelings for each other were real, but was that enough? Was it strong enough to overcome both their pasts? Was it strong enough to support a future? He decided to wait just a little longer.

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Clarice wandered around the house trying to find something to do. She settled on checking her e-mail to see what free offer she might have received today. Sitting at her desk, she turned on the computer, as she looked up, there he was, staring back at her from the wall. "What are you lookin at?" she growled at the picture. "What do you want from me? Why can't I get you out of my head? Damn you!" she said as she got up and ripped the picture from the wall. "I can't take this anymore."

She stormed out of her office with the picture, intending to get rid of it once and for all. Her plan was to toss it in the fireplace, hoping her problems would disappear along with the smoke. To her disappointment, she hadn't started a fire after arriving home that evening. "Dammit, what's it gonna take Doctor, huh? My sanity? My life?" she said as she let herself fall to the sofa, the picture falling from her hand, landing on the floor.

Then she realized the answer to her question and it frightened her more than the other two alternatives.

Happiness.

That's all he had ever wanted for her. To be happy.

Did she even know how to be happy? She didn't think so.

Or did she know, but just wouldn't admit it to herself.

Clarice stayed that way for sometime. Lying on her back, just staring at the ceiling, fighting back her feelings that desperately wanted out. She was in yet another battle and again, it was one she didn't want to win.

She rolled onto her side, staring down at the floor. When her mind came back into focus, she saw the picture lying upside down on the floor. There was something written on the back. "What the hell, that wasn't there before."

She reached down and picked up the photo and read the back:

_My dearest Clarice,_

_I find it rather intriguing that you have kept this picture all these years. Might I ask why?_

_Is it comforting in some way? Is it to remind you of the monster that I am?_

_How many times have you tried to dispose of it, Clarice?_

_It's by far, not my best, but I suppose it would be difficult to replace, seeing that I am quite camera shy, as it were. _

_As you hold it in your hands, do you think about what could have been Clarice? _

_What could be?_

_Maybe someday you will have an answer, then I shall have mine._

_Until then,_

_Hannibal_

Clarice stared at the words for a long time, before turning the picture over and holding it tightly to her chest as she fell asleep.

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When Clarice awoke, she was relieved to remember it was her day off. She didn't really feel like working today. She looked down and noticed she was still holding the picture of

'The Monster.' She so wished that's how she could see him. Life would have been so much easier, but not nearly as much fun.

Did I just think that? "Damn, your losing it girl." Or are you finding it. She shook her head, her mind was finally starting to rebel. It was trying to align itself with her heart.

She knew if the two got together, she was in big trouble.

Putting the picture down on the coffee table, she looked at it and said,

"Good morning Dr. Lecter, I trust you slept well?" Laughing at herself she said,

"Get the padded room ready, I'm on my way," as she headed for the shower.

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Wow, what a response! I guess I'm not the only one in a mooshy mood.

You guys are really great!


	4. On Target

Final mooshy chapter

The usual applies; I own no one or nothing pertaining to this story.

**Chapter 4 On Target**

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Dr. Lecter had spent most of the day planning for his departure. Everything was set. Plane ticket, bags packed, no trace of him to be found. Pleased that everything had gone according to his plans, all that is, except that he was alone and not in the company of the only person he wished to be.

Watching the sunset gave him no peace. It felt as if the curtain was dropping on this part of his life and he wasn't ready for the show to be over. He would not force her to come with him, he had dared to hope she would want to go. He knew in her heart, he was already with her. It appeared that's where he would now reside.

Dr. Lecter left the balcony, turning his back on the sunset. Picking up his suitcase, he headed out the door.

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Clarice had spent the whole day at war with herself. The white flag of surrender had finally emerged. Her heart stood victorious after having beaten her brain into unconsciousness.

Now what to do with her newfound freedom, she didn't have a clue. She hadn't seen Dr. Lecter since that night a month ago. Surely he was long gone by now. Why would he stick around after she had thrown him out of her house? O.k. so she hadn't throw him out, but the look he had given her as he was leaving, like she had stabbed him in the chest with his own harpy. No, not his chest, his heart.

Clarice wasn't sure what to do next. Then it dawned on her, there was nothing she could do. She had no way of finding him. That put a grapefruit size knot in the pit of her stomach, just then the phone rang. She rushed to answer it, hoping beyond hope that it just might be…. She was disappointed when she heard Janet's voice, of one of her pit-boss friends. She wanted to know if Clarice wanted to go with her to a show, saying she didn't want to go by herself, "It's just no fun to go alone." she said.

"Don't I know it." Clarice responded. She told Janet she would love to go. She thought it might help take her mind off things, for a little while anyway. And after getting the showtime, she told Janet she would meet her there.

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Clarice arrived at the Casino at about 8:00pm. The show was to start at 9:15pm.

She found Janet sitting at one of the smaller bars, next to the showroom.

As Janet saw Clarice approaching she said,

"Good you're here, I'm so glad you came Clarice."

"Thanks for inviting me, I needed to get out of the house and I've always wanted to see Johnny Mathis."

"Johnny Mathis closed last night Clarice, tonight is opening night for Luciano Pavarotti."

"Great, that's just great. So much for taking my mind off things," she mumbled as she shook her head.

"Is everything o.k. Clarice? If you don't want to go it's alright."

"I'm sorry, everything's fine Janet, my mind is just somewhere else, that's all."

The two women talked until the showroom was open for seating. There were two entrances that lead down either side of the large room. Seats down the center of the room divided the entrances, similar to movie theater seating. Janet told Clarice their seats where to the right.

They entered the showroom, taking their seats, discussing the finer points of snowboarding. Finally the show began. Clarice didn't care much for opera, but she was having a better time than she thought she would.

Clarice noticed that Janet had become very interested with the man she was sitting next to. As Clarice let her eyes wander through the showroom something caught her eye.

Not something, someone. Clarice froze. Her eyes locked on target.

On the other side of the showroom, ten rows down, isle seat, it was him. He was here.

At that moment, Clarice felt her heart begin to beat again. As quickly as it had stopped that night a month ago, it started again now, but only stronger.

Damn, he's on the other side. How do I get there from here? Then she remembered the other entrance. She turned to Janet and said, "I'm going to the ladies room. Janet, who was still to interested in her new male friend, waved her hand as if to say 'whatever.'

Clarice got up and slowly made her way to the back of the room. Once through the large door, she had to navigate her way around the artificial trees that lined the entrances on both sides. As she entered the left side of the showroom, the usher nodded to her, recognizing her as one of the higher ups. The term, being used by regular employees, for anyone above a supervisor.

Clarice started down the isle, still not knowing what she was going to say once she got to him. That became totally irrelevant when she finally made it to his seat, only to find it empty.

She looked around for a minute, thinking that maybe she was just seeing things, that she had wanted to see him so badly, her imagination was playing tricks on her. She knew better. She could pick him out of a crowd at a hundred yards.

Letting out a sigh of disappointment, she walked back up the isle and out the door.

Just as she cleared the door, a hand reached out, grabbing her arm pulling her between the plastic trees.

Before she knew it, Dr. Lecter had pinned her to the wall with his body, his hands planted firmly on the wall on either side of her head.

Any normal person would have been terrified at being restrained by a cannibalistic madman, one who was so close she could feel his breath on her face, one who could most certainly cause serious bodily injury, up to and including death, from his current position.

So what was her first thought?

'Damn he smells good!'

Dr. Lecter stared sharply into her eyes before finally asking in a low menacing tone,

"What do you want Clarice?"

Returning his stare with a fire of her own she answered,

"I want to be happy."

She felt his body relax, just a bit.

"And what, might I inquire, would make you happy Clarice?"

With no more time than it took her heart to beat once, she said,

"You."

"You make me happy."

She felt him tense and lean into her even harder than before.

"Be very sure of what you want Clarice, I have reached the limits of my patience. The games are no longer as satisfying as they once were."

She decided it was her turn, her patience was also wearing a little thin.

Not knowing what else to do, she reached up with both hands grabbing the lapels of his suit, using his own leverage against him, she spun him around so that he was now trapped against the wall, then she kissed him. She kissed him with all the passion and pent up anxiety and frustration she had carried for ten years.

Clarice pulled back from the kiss, the flame in her eyes, now an inferno as she said in a determined voice,

"Oh I'm sure Hannibal Lecter. I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

Seeing that the flames in her eyes carried no indecision, no hint of remorse or regret, he reached up gently brushing her cheek with the back of his fingers and whispered,

"That's my girl."

Clarice closed her eyes as he touched her face, wanting to remember exactly how it felt to receive his caress for the first time, for no other reason than it was what she truly wanted.

Opening her eyes she said, "Let's get out of here." He nodded once in agreement.

As they walked through the lobby she asked,

"How come your still here? I figured you would have left by now."

"I'll admit that I had planned on leaving earlier this evening, but having not seen Pavarotti for some time, I decided it was worth the trouble to delay my departure."

They were standing in valet now waiting for the Doctor's car. As the young valet attendant pulled the car around, Clarice's mind was still stuck on one word, delay.

Dr. Lecter reached down, opening the passenger door for Clarice, as she got in, he closed the door. Walking around the front of the car, he tipped the attendant and got in the car.

Once safely inside the vehicle, he noticed a puzzled look on Clarice's face.

"Is there something wrong my dear?"

"I was just wondering, you said you delayed your departure?"

"That's correct. I rescheduled my flight for 3:15am so that I could attend the concert.

Why, is there a problem?"

With her left hand, she reached out, stroking the hair just above his right ear before leaning over and kissing him ever so softly on the lips, slowly tracing his bottom lip with her tongue. She then leaned back into her seat grinning as she said,

"No problem, but I'm afraid you won't be making that flight either."

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I would like to thank all you moosh lovers out there, without whom, none of this

would have been possible.


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